Death changes a person

As events changes a person. The tsunamis disaster changed Dr C as it has changed me. She is grieving and her thoughts and processes are affected. I felt it the first time I met her after her return. The second and third time, it got to me. I find myself unable to work with her as every word I say has to be carefully thought out. In doing so, I felt restricted and tied up.

The issues I wanted to discuss were not appropriate to be raised during my time with her. Yet, they seem pressing to me. So I hold back. My friends say not to be bothered and go ahead and address the issues but I cannot. I just could not bring myself to talk to her. So I have to leave it at that. I have to solved them myself.

She's been a good coach and I can only hope that it will be enough to bring me through my own shit. But the fear of not having her physically around is very distressing.

I try to remember the encouragement, the advise, the tools she gave me. I try but I am so afraid. It's feels so alone sometimes.