The truth about myself

The truth. How I react to the truth can either empower me or disembowel me. I need strength to face the truth and even more to come to terms with it.

Many a times, there will be masks, smokescreens and 'blindness' to block me from seeing the truth. I will know when I come face to face with it because just before facing it, there will be heart-pounding then heart stopping moment. When I come to the threshold. It will be a decision to make. To face it or to turn away from it and walk away. Too many times have I turned my back on it. But it has its means to make its way back and wallop me at the most unexpected time. It is also moments which I am most unprepared and at my most vulnerable.

I would reel from the impact of it. Surprised, shocked and filled with utter panic. Nowadays, my will to face it has given me surprising courage and resiliency to accept it. Sometimes it hurts too much or when the truth is too big for me to handle, I am able to KIV it, however acknowledging that I have to return to face the truth at another time.

The raw things about myself are often accompanied by strong emotions. These emotions tends to overwhelm me and sometimes I feel like I am drowning, other times I felt like dying is better than the fear of facing them. It is difficult to open and lay myself bare on the table. But only when I am able to see my most naked self and totally honest, am I able to do something about it.

Then from a well of strength I don't know it exists, I have to draw from.

The barage of emotions whether positive or negative are one of the pillars of strength, with the cold logic are all I have to make or break me.

I may be in pain but let it not incapcitate me.