Damn you transference

Damn it! I think I have transference issues. I seem to care much for Dr. C when feel affected by the death of her husband, Dr. L. The strong feelings and fantasies about the situation that had no basis in reality. Yo! I know that lah....I may be too sensitive but I know they are not real.

I am reacting to her in terms of what I need to see, I am afraid of or what I see when I know very little about her. This all happens without me knowing why I feel and react the way I do. Actually that's not true my dear. Dr. L death is also a slap in my face on the 'death' of my father. Oh yes, he alive and kicking (well not exactly kicking cos' he's too old to do that). But the animosity I have for him. He's not there and that's when I grieve for a father lost, Dr. L. Well this was clearly highlighted in today's last session with Dr. C. I guess it's one of the outstanding issues not resolved. But damn it! I am not ready to face it. It will come around and push me to the ground sometime in the future I am quite sure of it.

BTW I am not sure why the session today kept moving out of focus. I don't know why she talked about her new appartments and that the location were very noisy. She seems a bit perplexed when I have no idea where her appartment was. She said it was supposed to be behind my block. Well! I can only see HDBs, so unless she's moving into the 3 rooms HDB flats, I have no idea. Kekeke.

My God! Please don't get started on Internet and gadgets during therapy. I won't be able to stop talking about them. So anyway, I suppose I started it by bring my PDA out to show her Shadow's pic and picked up wireless Internet surfing somewhere in the building.

She asked which IP to subscribe to. She wanted to stick to Pacific Internet because she has a PI e-mail account! Aiyoh, Dr C. You can always use other web-based mail servers mah! Can even import all your e-mail contacts. Then just sit down for 1/2 hour and mass e-mail to everyone on your contact list from your new account. So they will all know about it. You can keep your old account for max 3 months in case your old e-mail account is used for other secure Internet transactions like banking. But knowing Dr. C, she'll rather get summons for late payments than conduct money transactions over the Internet.

I would recommend Internet wireless connectivity as it is so convenient, less hassle and less unseemly wires lying around. And the thing is Dr C, it is encrypted so no one can access your Internet or your files without the encryption key. If you are staying in a one-floor appartment, you should be able to have seamless connection, perhaps maybe the back toilet. I don't know .... I like to surf while doing my businesss in the toilet. So you see.... don't get me started on gadgets.

Anyway, we just ended therapy. Siew Lan advised that I make another just-in-case appointment in 1 months time but I decided against it.

Sure I have unresolved issues. But then again, I will always have unresolved issues. I just hope that DA, DM and DC have coached me well.